In A Trance-Like State

Hello, Dear Reader.

No, I haven't run out of stories to tell you.

This is one that is just beginning.

I've been preoccupied the past couple of weeks with someone I met.

He is unbelievably gorgeous!!

He has got full lips, puppy dog brown eyes and the most infectious cute smile. I love to see him smile.

Oh...and he's quite a bit younger than I am. Let's say about...12 years younger.

If I could show you a picture of him...you would understand.

When I see M.Y.'s face I forget everything I wanted to tell him. When I see him smile all reason goes out the window.

We have so much in common. It makes me wonder if he is really mature for his age....or am I really immature?!

Maybe a little of both!

So...what's the catch?

Have any of you ever seen the movie Trance?

If you said "yes", then you will know what I'm talking about.

If you said "no", then I have a quote for you, from a wise old Jedi named Yoda.

"Love leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."

Ok...maybe he didn't say it quite that way! I might have added the part about love.

On Friday I realized how much M.Y was like Simon in the movie Trance.

It's a lot like this:

"I love you.

You are seeing someone else.

I love you.

Why are you ignoring me?

I love you.

I want you.

I think you love someone else.

I love you.

You have the face of an angel.

I'm mad at you.

I love you.

I don't know about this.

I miss you so much all the time.

I love you.

I'm leaving you.

Just kidding.

I'll never let you down.

I love you."

This is just on his end.

On my end:

"I'm not seeing anyone else.

I really did fall asleep.

I'm not cheating on you.

I only tell you the truth.

I want to be with you too.

I'm not seeing anyone else."

On Friday, I felt anxiety. I wasn't sure if it was mine or if I was feeling his.

I know what you will say.

If I was smart I'd get out now.

I'm not that smart.

A part of me wants to see what will happen next. Like how far will this go?

The bigger part of me stays because his smile gets to me.

I'm intrigued.

The day that I feel asleep when I woke up I had about 10 texts from him:

"It's been 10 minutes.

Where are you?

18 minutes.

Are you ignoring me?

32 minutes.

You said to give you a minute.

1 hour.

An hour. Really?"

I find myself constantly reassuring M.Y.

I find his fear, his anxiety is rubbing off on me.

Instead of just having fun, I find myself asking "Does he really love me? Is he seeing anyone else? He's going on holiday this week....what if he finds someone else?

Maddening!

But I'm not running. I'm not leaving.

Not yet.

What is funny/not funny is when I saw Trance I wondered what it would be like to be loved like that.

I think I'm beginning to find out.


Stay tuned,
Shelby