Hello once again, Dear Reader.
I've been absent for a while, I know.
But be rest assured that my love life has not settled down. Not in the slightest.
I've been hanging out with Him - T.Y.
Well....was hanging out.
August was such a crazy month, I almost don't even know where to begin.
I left JH (for the time being) because we couldn't spend as much time together as we wanted. Plus the lying to his wife and the guilt he was feeling about not being able to be with me as much as he felt I deserved was getting to him.
So, I left to give us a little space.
And of course, like a moth to a flame I found myself back with T.Y.
The first night I was with him He kept hugging and kissing me saying "I'm sorry." When I would ask what he was sorry for he wouldn't answer.
That first night was great. We were back together. I was very happy. We ended up spending three days together.
On the third day, I go to leave and for some reason my car wouldn't start. He leaves to go run some errands and tells me I can stay till I figure out what's wrong with my car. While he's gone I sit on the couch and have thoughts of calling in to work to be able to spend the day with Him.
T.Y. calls and ask if my car had started yet. I answer "No" and he then informs me that a "friend" is coming over in an hour and that it would be awkward if the two of us met.
Wait. WHAT?!
I'm like "ooookaayy?", hang up, go to check on my car and, lo and behold, it starts right up. I hightail it out of there. On the way I text him and ask if this is a "friend" he is sleeping with. He answers...."yes."
I go home and cry. And get mad.
I make up my mind to not call or text him again. Ever.
Wellll....I do send him a quick text about a week later to say...."I've never been very good at sharing."
He doesn't answer. He just disappears for like two weeks.
One night after work I check my phone and there are like 12 missed calls from him and a text saying "Come over."
I call back.
I go over to his house.
He had been gone for awhile. He had come back with a dog. We call him Patton.
I end up going over every day after work for four days. We talk. He keeps asking why I like him so much. I say "I just do. Accept it." I tell him I love him. He whispers back "I love you."
We end up drinking a lot. I go to work hung over. Go to his house afterwards and drink some more. Every day he asks me again why I like him. Every day he tells me his a bad person.
On the fifth day I don't go over. I head straight home after work. I'm tired and just really hung over.
I find out later that night that he has been arrested. I'm not really sure what the details are. All I know is that know I can't sleep. I'm worried.
The next day I call the jail, find out about the arraignment later that day and go to work. I leave work after 2 hours and go to the courthouse for his arraignment. I'm the only one there for him. I find out about the charges. I almost cry when I see him all shackled and in that pathetic orange suit. He doesn't know that I am there because he talks to the Judge by video-call.
Later on, I talk to the bail bondsman and find out that no one has come forward to bail him out.
I do it. I pay $200 to bail him out.
When the bail bondsman goes to pick him from jail, T.Y. asks "Who did this? Did you get a hold of my dad?" The bondsman answers "No. Shelby did it." T.Y. is completely shocked. He had no idea that I knew what happened. Remember....he couldn't see me at the courthouse.
When he sees me he gives me a hug. I take him home.
He says "I was so happy to see you."
I say "You were just happy to get out."
He says "No. I was happy to see you. I don't know why you care about me. No one else does."
Again, I answer "because I just do."
That night I find out what really happened. T.Y. had been with another woman. Things went haywire over there and she called the cops. They caught him drinking and driving. He received a DUI, of course. Part of the court order was that he couldn't drink anymore and that he can't contact this other woman.
I silently cry that night. He asks me to rub his back, I say "No."
"Did you just say no?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I don't feel like it."
"Are you mad at me?"
"Yes."
He gets up and sits on the coffee table.
I say, "I'm on the verge of shutting down and walking away from you."
He doesn't say anything.
The next day, I wake up feeling refreshed and completely calm. I go home for a couple of hours. I call my mother and tell her that I'm done with T.Y and I'm moving (again!). She asks what I'm going to do. I say I'll figure it out.
I go back to T.Y's house and tell him that this is my last day with him so let's make it a good one.
Now, the night before and today he is really depressed. He keeps telling me that if anything happens to him to please take care of Patton. I say "of course, but nothing is going to happen to you."
The rest of the day and night we play with the dog, we drink.
I end up crying and asking him "I'm the person who cares about you. Why do you crap on me? Why do you push me away?"
He starts crying and says "Maybe because I care about you soooo much. You are the most beautiful person, inside and out."
I spend the night. The next morning I leave.
I go to the river and sit and ask the universe to please help me. Help me get away from him. I can't do it on my own.
Later on that night, he calls me and asks me to come over. I say....."yes". Of course.
Again he tells me that I'm beautiful - in every way and that if anything happens to him to take care of Patton.
About two hours later, the cops show up and arrest him. Again. He had been texting the other woman, asking her to drop the charges. I'm left alone at his house. Crying.
I find his phone on the counter. I decide to go through it. There is no password.
I find a whole secret life. Text messages to a bunch of different girls. I'm no longer crying. I'm pissed!
I go home the next day and take Patton. And a sweater of his.
I find out the original owner of Patton and call him. Tell him that I have Patton (real name is Bear) and that I would like to return him.
We end up texting and talking all day.
Later on that night, he asks me to move in to his house while he's away. Now....get this....it's in the same town that I was previously thinking of moving to!!
I say...."Yes!"
I move in the next day.
I've been alone for about two weeks now. I take care of Bear and look for work. I think less and less about T.Y. We really were to intrinsically alike, kindred spirits -if you will. But, I'm not helping him out this time. I have to finally move on.
Like that One Republic songs says: "I loved you with a fire red...now it's turning blue."
That is how I'm beginning to finally feel.
Last I heard he was still in jail. No one has bailed him out. Where are all these other women at now, huh?
Part of me, though.......
.....is afraid.....
.....afraid that if I saw him. Looked into his blue eyes.....
.....I would fall right back into it.
Stay tuned,
Shelby
